I have had an interesting life and I have nothing to show for it…

Truly, if I died when I was under 2 years old, with few exceptions it would not have mattered.

Truly, if I died when I was under 2 years old, with few exceptions it would not have mattered.

I do not authorize psychological nor psychiatric formulations, interpretations nor diagnosis, etc. I do not authorize any Religious use of my texts. Rights Reserved. This is not fiction, but I am trying to preserve my right to not incriminate myself, and obviously there is no other evidence than my testimony, which undoubtedly will be negated by other ill-willed people. And maybe sometimes I might be confabulating or fudging the truth a little. I am not a lawyer, this is not legal nor medical nor advice of any kind. I am not diagnosing anyone, merely summarizing other people´s behavior and characteristics for brevity and clarity purposes.

This is a short unintelligible and relatively baseless telling of some of the significant experiences in my life, a bullet point summary of what I lived in juicy format.

I am not elaborating, nor retelling, I already did, and frankly, I don´t care if people don´t get it.

I have been shot at once, maybe twice, my memories are fuzzy on the second, that was my fault, I don´t want to tell why, but on my defense, what kind of person shots at a stranger, and fails several times!, out of the blue in a public place?. Not a nice dude for sure, simply carrying a fire arm without a license is a crime in México. And those licenses are rare here…

I´ve had at least twice several thousand dollars, not entirely legit, and both times I gave away all of it. One to strangers on the street, and one to six females. One of those I could not get away with the money, the other I could not keep it because my family would have stolen it.

I probably have anywhere between two to five/six biological descendants, only one is legally recognized as my son. Sad or unclear to me stories, I would have loved to be there as a father, but, as I heard several females say to me several times: “It´s complicated…”

I was never rich, I was low middle class, and I had hunger a lot of the time because either my parents did not fed me properly even though they had money to do so and preferred to spent it on their own vices and/or amusements, or one of my carers gave me frequently rotten food. Sometimes I had not eaten for so long that when I tried to eat I vomited.

Once an adult almost hit me with a pan, another almost stabbed me with a pair of scissors, and once I almost got killed by a psychotic deranged woman.

Once I got assaulted by another psychotic woman and probably his boyfriend and some collaborators because she thought by assaulting me her voices in her head and fears will disappear, and I would have a sort of conversion epiphany to her cult of mental illness and psychosis acceptance. Neither of the three I ever had. But I did experience severe and long lasting withdrawal effects.

I was kidnapped once, and chemically tortured, among others things.

I was almost kidnapped another time because apparently I look a lot like some rich dude, who might have actually been my identical twin brother. The doubt is I am not sure he lived in that neighborhood, and despite I saw the bastard quite clearly, he even hit me and my mother saw him, I have no other evidence than my testimony. My mother will under no circumstance corroborate because she might have an aversion to go to the Police and the DAs on account of her own wrongdoings. She might have been at least been scammed twice because of that. And she actually paid for getting me kidnapped.

I had to beat 2 accompanied dudes on separate occasions when I was alone walking on the street because they confused me with some brawly bully who had no guts to face alone another male, so they said. I was a peaceful pacifist since I was a kid, but, hey, I was a kid with ties to the street and some gang friends. Life, we were all friends…

I had sex with a very beautiful and rich woman, who picked me off the street because apparently she confused me with my twin brother. Really nice mansion, and so extraordinarily beautiful woman.

I had sex with more than 300-350 women, around 50-60 without a condom. None were prostitutes, I never paid, and they never paid me. It was all consensual, and sometimes quite well organized by women. As far as I know I never got a sexually transmitted disease. Their ages anywhere between my early teens and around 70 years old, and I stopped having frequent sex when I was 25 years old, huhum…

Two, maybe three are actually world famous. Those with the condom, of course.

I´ve been into rich houses, rich cars, middle class houses, low class houses, average cars, alleys, etc., where women took me to have sex with them. Sometimes with several at the same time, I mean one after another, of course. And I never was with another male in the same room. Only once I encouraged the whole thing, the rest it was those beautiful charming women.

I´ve had my heart broken, deeply, more than a dozen times, I loved some women profoundly, and we tried to be together for the long or longer run, but for some circumstances or others it did not work for us.

I have directly fought sexual harassment against women at least twice, once I gave informal testimony on a separate occasion.

Once I provided written testimony to a DA on a bus hit and run. Several times I provided oral information to DAs on injuries while I was a medical student, despite it was not my job nor obligation, it was my superior´s ones.

I have reported several times to the local police acts of probable violence against women when it came to my view, knowledge and attention, outside of my medical profession.

Once I reported an exotic fauna in my current neighborhood and I was bullied by the Police officer at the entrance who was trying to prevent me from making a report.

Once I could have been killed defending a stranger woman from a sexual assault on the street.

Several times I have written anonymous reports to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

And despite that and more, the persons, the humans, currently since some years ago from whom I get more concealed or evident violence is actually women and children…

What the fuck?. Where is the gratitude!?. Where is my respect morons!?. huhum…

When I was around nine, a friend of mine, my Compadre, died of an overdose of inhaled solvents when we were together at night on the street. We were around the same age. After that, I went to cycles of revenge, walking aimless, having trouble remembering he was gone, and deep hurtful sorrow. Despite I already cried painfully after he passed away.

I was bullied and mobbed not only when I was a kid, but in Medical School, Graduate School and Medical Residentship, with the excuse somehow I was mentally ill, and I did not accepted it nor accepted to be treated, or simply because they thought I was an asshole, idiots, plain pure idiots. On that I am not alone, but, those bastards did pick on me precisely because I was strong, law abiding, competent, studious, committed, hard-working and deeply ethical.

I have been extorted, mobbed, harassed and persecuted by lawless and antisocial activist who attack me on the street, malls, etc., similarly to the time I was assaulted by a psychotic woman and probably her boyfriend, at least. And I have been thrown cars, trucks, while walking on the sidewalk, on account of what I perceive as violence based on their prejudices and my appearance.

I have personally witnessed one of those mobbing attacks on the street in which a Medical School Mate, a psychotic with tardive dyskinesia features and a friend of mine from High School mobbed, harassed and attacked another human being. My female friend apparently disguised as a medical student. And there are a lot of those males on the street who also seem to suffer akathisia and a savior delusional complex behaving like the psychotic woman I referred to: like if I was to have an epiphany and become a convert to their shared deluded criminal cult.

I was threatened with sabotage, which was carried out, several times.

I saw a woman being disfigured by a male who convinced her to be abused using feminist rhetoric on her. And I saw indirect evidence she took revenge on him years after, when she found out how he disfigured her. Both got married separately and apparently had kids of their own…

I did things a kid should not do to have revenge against people who abused my Compadre, and “clients” who abused a band of kids controlled by a child sexual trafficker, of which I have only fuzzy memories, and those are terrible for a kid to have and have done. I have no regrets, good riddance, those are my memories, show me the body.

I was very friendly, I had a lot of street friends in several places in México City. Young, kids, middle age, old. But very few on my neighborhood and on my schools.

Once I slept unwillingly on the street because my mother claimed I was the cause of all her troubles. A lot I was there so my Compadre could sleep when he had no other place to do so, he used to say “I´ll wake you up”. I slept very little since I was a kid, and sometimes I was safer on the street where I could run than in my house alone at night where I was attacked unsuccessfully several times by the band of kids I already mentioned.

I was a top student. I got good grades, I was smart enough. I taught advanced classes in Medical School. I was chief academic resident, I have a cup with my name misspelled sent to me by the Radiological Society of North America. I was first place in the entrance exam of one medical residentship, and third in another. And they say I was the top performer three years in a row during my medical residentship, it only lasted three years then.

I had the privilege of being among the most academically and intellectually accomplished and caring late teenagers during High School I can imagine, specially on third year Calculus. Those gals and guys were over the top. They could beat a lot of Ivy League College juniors even as High Schoolers.

I was second author of an article published on the Journal of Biological Chemistry. I´ve written software to view DICOM images, and to do Radiological Standardized reports. Among others, cheap basic stuff.

I had the honor of being online friends, good friends, big friends, great friends, with the Biggest Troll Known to Humankind. I made other online Friends, but those were known academics, and probably others who prefer to remain anonymous.

I have been writing for over two years on a different field of professional writing, fulfilling my teenage dream on that.

I´ve had deep spiritual connections with many animals and trees, I was always like that, it just so happened I was surrounded by spiritually inclined persons of the deranged kind.

In some of my academic attempts I did not obtain a degree, a diploma or a license because the Institutional, Familial, Colleague, Mate and Professors violence against me prevented me from getting one. Sometimes some or all at the same time…

I tried to get a degree independently taking an exam, but before I went to the final stages of my self learning preparation for it I discovered the field I was intending to obtain a Bachelor Degree in was riddled with Plagiarism.

On all of that and more, what can I say?: I have no advice to give, I have no big overarching lessons to provide, I have nothing to show for it, if I still have friends they probably are out there somewhere unreachable. if some women still cared about me, probably they would not even speak to me right now, etc.

Was it worth it?, hell no. I would have preferred to die when I was under 2 yers old and almost did.

The only thing I think I made a significant difference is being there with my Compadre, before and when he died. And that was 43 years ago, more or less.

Did I enjoy it?, of course!, a lot of it was pleasurable, joyful, friendly, loving and caring.

After all I have no regrets, but still…

It is no wonder I see assholes everywhere, because there are assholes everywhere who are unable not only of showing Compassion, but worse, of feeling it.

Thanks.

Federico Soto del Alba.